☻Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you'll be disconnected!
☻HELP: Cops are after a suspect who smart, witty, sexy and good lookin...so where you gonna hide ME?
☻This is your CellPhone Operator. We just found out you're too dumb to use your phone, so please put it on ground and start jumping on it. Thank you
☻Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
☻A husband was asked: Do u talk to wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone
☻Why'd they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
☻I went to ur house justnow - can't enter cos door says *CUTE FOLK NOT ALLOWED* - pls take sign down next time ok!
☻Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
☻Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
☻Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else.
☻I heard you took an IQ test and they said you're results were negative.
☻How many letters in the Alphabet? 19, cuz ET went home on a UFO and the FBI went after him.
☻Don't feel sad...don't feel blue...Frankenstein was ugly too...
☻U got Sex Appeal...U got Class...U got Moves...U got da Face, da Body....shit...I got wrong number...SORRY :)
☻I need a kiss, I need touched, I need your love, I need warmth, I need hugs, I need sex, I need YOU!
☻On the cellphone pad of life, always keep one finger on the disconnect key.
☻The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, and the second half by our children.
☻Nope.....u still ugly!
☻Y did the jelly baby go 2 school? Cuz he wanted to be a smarty.
☻What u call dog with no legs? Don't matter wot u call him, he ain't gonna come.
☻Bride's Dad hands a note to the groom: 'GOODS DELIVERED ARE NOT RETURNABLE.' Groom gave another note back to father: 'CONTRACT VOID IF SEAL IS BROKEN.'
☻Girls think boys are fit. Boys think girls are sexy. But hey, no worries - I sure science will come up with something to help u.
☻I think it is time I tell you what people are saying behind your back...! Nice Ass.
☻How to impress woman: kiss her, hug her, compliment her, love her, tease her, protect her, listen to her, support her
How to impress a man: Show up naked with beer.
☻How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
☻It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
☻Whats the best thing about babies? MAKING EM!
☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
☻You are here: X
☻Hickory Dickory Dock, dis bitch woz suckin me c**k, da clock struck 2, i dumped me goo, & dropped her at da end of da block.
☻In Ikea they have a Shelf storage system called Nob - So that's the only shop you can go into and ask the assistant to wheel your Nob to the car cuz it's too heavy.
☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻Jesus loves you...everyone else thinks you're an asshole!
☻Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
☻Q: Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation?
A: Because she threw out all the bent ones.
☻What did the bartender say to the jumper cables when they walked into the bar? Ok u 2, don't start anything.
☻Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know?
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